Other lives

People watching

One of the things that has always intrigued me is how my life is so important to me, but to anyone else is almost meaningless. Aside from a fairly limited group of friends, the vast majority of people I see every day wouldn't even class as acquaintances. To those people, rushing past in the busy city centre, I am nothing. And to me, that random couple across the street are just scenery.

When I think about the number of people who have glanced at me without caring, or pushed past me, or stepped to one side to let me past, I realise how unthinkably large the number of people I've been in contact with is. So I decided to start taking note.

Instead of ignoring the people I don't know, I watch for a little bit (not in a creepy way) and try to work out what's going on in their lives. For example, that man holding two cups of coffee, who's the other one for? A friend? A partner? Is he just so tired he needs an extra cup? Or that woman adjusting their suit, why are they so worried? Maybe they have an interview? Or a date? Or they just want to look smart? I don't know but it's fun to come up with ideas.

So many things that I see have such stories behind them. An idea I've entertained for a while is writing a story where random people in the street take over the narration and become the main character. Unfortunately I don't have the free time or the patience to work out such a complex story - but maybe one day I'll give it a go.

Funny looks

If you've ever gone out somewhere dressed in an extravagant or unusual way, you may well have experienced this for yourself. I'm talking about the times everyone seems to glance at you as you walk towards them. There is definitely a 'weirdness threshold' (as I will call it) beyond which you will find yourself the subject of a large amount of attention. Through extensive research* I have identified a number of criteria for reaching this threshold.

*Extensive research may or may not be extensive and may or may not be research.

Disclaimer: If you use my techniques I take no responsibility for any funny looks, confusion or laughter caused

1) Outward vs. inward

To seem weird enough to be noticed, the weird aspect of you must be something visible. For instance, wishing you were a purple jelly bean, though sufficiently weird, will not gain the focus of anyone around unless you actually paint yourself purple or wear a jelly bean costume. The most obvious things to the average passer-by are clothing, anything on your face and how you are moving. Wearing strange clothes, heavy/vibrant makeup or large piercings are good ways to reach the threshold. Walking with a limp or skipping will often be just as effective.

2) Range of notice

To reach the great heights of the weirdness threshold it is important that your weird aspect must be visible from far enough away for people to notice as they hurry past with their busy lives. Writing "Hello, I'm Bob" on your forehead can potentially draw attention, but not if you write it too small. 

3) Extent of weirdness

At some levels of weirdness, people will not take notice. It is possible to be fairly weird without getting more than one or two looks. Take leaning on something for instance:

As you can see, the first posture wouldn't draw attention, the second might a little bit, but the third has passed the threshold and would be noticeable to anyone nearby.

Fear

Sometimes I get scared of being around lots of people. I know that I'm different to a lot of people - there aren't many who seem to be a completely different gender at the weekends - so I'm often worried people will look at me and think: "freak". Of course, most people don't look hard enough to notice anything odd, so my fears are often misplaced. But sometimes even being in a crowd puts me on edge.

The urgency of everyone rushing past, as if anything in their way would be pushed aside or trampled over without thought. It sets my heart beating faster than my panicking footsteps, one step the wrong way and I'm suddenly in the wrong place at the wrong time. I try to keep my head down and my path straight. But it's not just crowds that scare me...

I find it hard to do many things in public. I'm not sure if that's because I'm British or because I have some kind of social anxiety. One of the things that makes me stressed is paying for things, not because I don't like spending money, but because I take so long to get my money out and put the change in my wallet. I can feel the person behind me get more and more irritated the longer it takes.

I try to avoid at all costs the complication of pubic bathrooms - whichever I use I risk being kicked out. If I'm presenting as fully female, it makes sense to go to the women's but, if someone realised I am not biologically female I could be in a lot of trouble. If I go into the men's it is likely that people will think I'm a girl and therefore I shouldn't be there. So I avoid it as much as I can.

I suppose one day I will become more confident in these situations (and many others) but for now it makes going anywhere pretty stressful.

Our world is full of expectations and eyes, social constructs that tell us how to act, interact and feel. Sometimes I wish I could ignore them more easily.